Kick His Head, Smash His Face & Do A Bunk With His Brief Case
Shoplifting For A Lark, Walk On The Grass In The Park
In The Restaurant Loads O' Nosh, Stuff Yer Face & Leave No Dosh
We Are Skint But We're Alright, A Different Burglary Each Night

No Little Blue Light, There's Not A Copper In Sight No More

You Can Commit Any Crime You Please
You Won't Get Nicked In Sunderland, The Coppers Are Softies
They Hide When There's A Thief Or Rogue At Large
When They Get Hit They Run & Tell The Sarge... A Bunch O' Fairies

Rob A Bank, Get Some Bread Or Be A Pickpocket Instead
A Torch A Swag Bag With A Crow Bar, Getaway In A Stolen Car
Break In To The Town Hall, Spray Graffiti On The Wall
If You're Drunk And Disorderly, Then Sunderland's The Place To Be

You Won't Get Me, Down Wearside Constabulary

Run Buck Naked In The Street, There Ain't A Bobby On The Beat
Raid The Local Jewelry Store, No One To Stop You Break The Law

The Bobby's Get Sore, But There's No Constables Round Here No More

You Got Me Outta My Head
Coz I'm Not H, H, H, Hunky
You're Driving Me Insane
Coz I'm Not F, F, Funky
Well It's A Bare Faced Cheek
Calling Me A Skinny Freak
It's A Bare Faced Cheek
You Say I'm A Skinny Punk
And You Call Me A Cheeky Monkey

He Tells Me, "We're Happy" He Could Never Guess
He's A Berk, While He's At Work, She's An Adult T T T T T Tress

She's A Bored, Bored Housewife - In The Cul-De-Sac
She's A Bored, Bored Housewife - She's A Nymphomaniac
She's A Bored, Bored Housewife - A Floozy In Fact Very... Bored

It Don't Hurt, To Have A Flirt
But She's A Jeze B B B B B Bel, Yes
She's A Bored Bored Housewife, A Floozy In Fact Really
She's A Randy Swine Who Swears
"I Don't Have Clandestine Affairs" I'm Bored, Bored, Bored, Bored, Bored!
He's A Pratt, We Know That His Missus Is, His Missus Is A Whore!
"Come Up And See Me Sometime"

To Bombay A Travelling Circus Came, They Brought An
Intelligent Elephant And Nellie Was Her Name
One Dark Night She Slipped Her Iron Chain
And Off She Ran To Hindustan
And Was Never Seen Again
Oooooooooooo

Nellie The Elephant Pack Her Trunk
And Said Goodbye To The Circus
Off She Went With A Trumpety Trump
Trump Trump Trump
Now Nellie The Elephant Packed Her Trunk
And Trundled Off To The Jungle
Off She Went With A Trumpety Trump
Trump Trump Trump

The Head Of The Herd Was Calling Far Far Away
They Met One Night In The Silver Light
On The Road To Mandalay

Night By Night She Danced To The Circus Band
When Nellie Was Leading The Big Parade
She Looked So Proud And Grand
No More Tricks For Nellie To Perform
They Taught Her How To Take A Bow
And She Took The Crowd By Storm
Oooooooooooo

Guess Who's Working On The Fiddle
Tell Me Who Works On The Fiddle
I'll Tell You Who Works On The Fiddle
Oooo Ooo Idle Gossip
Guess Whose Just Come Off The Pill
Tell Me Who's Come Off The Pill
Oooo Ooo Idle Gossip

They Must Be Thick, It's Everywhere You Go
It Makes Me Sick, I Just Don't Wanna Know
About Who's In The Latest News, Oh No

Everybody Wants To Know The Rumours
Everybody Wants To Know The Scandal
Idle, Idle,......... Gossip

Guess Who Can't Pay Their Gas Bill
Tell Me Who Can't Pay The Bill
I'll Tell You Who Can't Pay The Bill
Oooo Ooo Idle Gossip
Guess Who I Slept With Last Night
Tell Me Where You Slept Last Night
Oooo Ooo Idle Gossip

Little Bastard They Call Chesney
And His Evil Scheming Mam

Rita She Wernt Amused, He Nicked He Nicked, The Sweets N' That
Now Rita, She's Accused, She Clipped She Clipped She Clipped The Brat, Now ...

She Wants Compo For Their Chesney
She Put Rita In A Cell
With That Little Swine Called Chesney
They Both Made Rita's Life Hell

Coz Rita's Innocent, But No One Could See
Rita's Innocent, But No One Could Free
Rita's Innocent, But No One Could See
Except Norris

Now Cilla She Was There, She Went, She Went, She Went With Les
To See Rita Despair, Guilty, Guilty The Jury Says, That

Little Bastard They Call Chesney ...

Guilty, Guilty ...

Remember Rita When She Was She Was ... Free

There She Stood In Finos, Hippo With High Heels On
They All Said That She Goes For The Slim And Skinny Ones
Like Me

I Swigged Six Jugs O'stella, And She Didn't Look That Bad
She Said, "You're My Kinda Fella", But I Wish She Never Had

We Don't Wanna Be There
We Don't Wane Be Anywhere
Near Unprotected
What Infected Me?

With Camilla
With Camilla
What The Eck' Went On?
Where's His Underpants Gone?
When He Woke With Camilla

A Dirty Dame I Dated, A Bint Beyond Belief
I Was Intoxicated, And It Cost Me 3 Weeks Grief

A Sting So Crucifyin', It Was Not My Cup O'tea
I Filled A Fortnight Cryin' Locked In The Lavatory

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